by JP Esq | Apr 13, 2015 | Uncategorized
Let’s not make this more profound than it needs to be.
Last week, after years of dying a slow agonizing death of trying to fit into the world’s idea of who I am, I made a decision.
In ten weeks, I will log off of that computer, swipe that badge, and walk out that door for the last time as a full-time slave employee. I keep waiting for the crashing weight of OMGEEWHATDIDIJUSTDO to take me over, but I’m currently drowning in an ocean of freedom.
I have struggled with who I am (because if you’ve met me you know I almost never fit in to any box, any frame of thinking, any way of doing). I was made weird and I’m choosing to embrace that my weird doesn’t fit typical daily operations of 95% of the country. I mean you get a job, you get benefits, you pay bills, you sleep, you eat, and then maybe you can retire on your non-existent social security when you’re too old to enjoy it.
The thought of this is a personal prison for me; has been for years. But still there was a fear that I was being disobedient to the way if I wanted something different. Because who am I really?
Just a girl. Knit together on purpose, for a purpose. By a creative God who thinks way bigger than the US Department of Labor.
Still I struggled. I wrestled this suffocating fear. But at some point, the fear of going was crushed by the terrifying paralysis of staying. Listen, if you poke around here enough you know I have an interesting relationship with God. But, I can’t say “God told me to leave my job…” I’d feel much better about myself if that’s how this went down.
But it isn’t.
And frankly, this is probably THE ACTUAL EXACT OPPOSITE thing that anyone would ever advise me to do. I fully admit I look as crazy as I sound.
And I probably don’t have enough money saved.
And I still have obligations (student loans, car, etc) that I have to pay.
And I have ideas, but I’m just a girl.
And I don’t have a husband.
And I don’t have a plan.
But I do have a Jesus.
…and health insurance because the
ACA won’t let me be great…
So let’s walk this crazy road where the only lamp I have is at my feet and I can’t see where I’m going and my bills have due dates and I have no current way to generate income to pay them.
This will get really interesting…really fast.
by JP Esq | Jan 21, 2015 | Uncategorized
Every time I see her she tells me how much she misses her husband.
He’s usually in the next room.
And she watches as over 60 years of memories slowly dissipate like a mist before her eyes. But, he hasn’t forgotten how much he loves her. And somehow the playful flirting that probably kept their marriage alive still makes its way to the surface.
Somewhere in those 83 year old eyes, I see that young 20-something who was so besotted by that handsome man a few years her senior. She’s still there. Still captivated. There’s no way you can be married for over 60 years and not have had your share of life hurricanes.
Yet through it all they remain. Laughing and joking and flirting and still so in love. Even as he slowly slips away.
I’m pretty certain it’s what we all want.
I’m pretty certain it’s what I found in her grandson.
“…I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine…” –Song of Solomon 6:3 (ESV)
by JP Esq | Oct 18, 2014 | Uncategorized
“Stick with the process.” – Chuck Pagano
I am not typically a reader of memoirs, but as a resident Colts fan, I found myself unable to avoid this one. In a story of triumph, Coach Pagano eloquently details how a seemingly tragic and poorly-timed illness rallied a city and a nation. Immediately upon his diagnosis, the strength of his wife and team support system is evident. This book gives you a first hand account of how God tests our faith in the craziest ways sometimes. Three weeks into a new head coaching position and within a matter of two days to go from what you thought was healthy to being admitted to a cancer center is certainly enough to bring the strongest to their knees.
For the football fan, this is an excellent read. For the non-football fan, this is an excellent read. A story of hardship, valley experiences, and moving mountains that is certain to leave you with the hope that you too could lean on your faith and get through even the worst of circumstances.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from BookLook Bloggers in exchange for my review. I was not required to post a positive review.
by JP Esq | Aug 14, 2014 | Uncategorized
This book came at a right time for me as restlessness stirred in my soul that I just could not pinpoint. That said, this is a bit of a heavy read if you really want to take something out of it. I found it best (as I read it twice) to approach it like a personal Bible study and give myself time to explore, digest, and apply what I read.
In Soul Keeping, John Ortberg explores the enigma that is the human soul and how we should care for the innermost part of our beings. Ortberg describes the should as the thing that “integrates your will (your intentions), your mind (your thoughts and feelings, your values and conscience), and your body (your face, body language, and actions) into a single life”. He explores how our souls long to connect, mainly with God and different things in our lives that drain our soul of its health. Ortberg draws heavily upon conversations and wisdom from his friend and mentor Dallas Willard.
The book resonated with me because there have been times I’ve literally felt like my soul was dying. Ortberg’s book provided good insight on how to address soul issues from the inside, how to distinguish between what is causing your soul’s unrest, and ways to simplify and declutter your mind in order to seek peace. This is a heavy read as far as substance, content, and application, but not necessarily readability. Ortberg’s style is approachable and relatable.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my review. I was not required to post a positive review.
by JP Esq | Jul 14, 2014 | Uncategorized
I tried to quit sugar using Sarah Wilson’s eight-week detox “program” laid out in her book I Quit Sugar. I really did. I have managed to dramatically cut back on my sugar intake, but that seems to be more discipline than strict adherence to the detox program.
There is a healthy amount of information in the book, but the sources of the science aren’t entirely transparent. And some of the suggestions {like eating more fat in place of sugar} should be supported by hard facts and sources since they are so counter intuitive.
The eight-week program though isn’t really a “program” by the standards many people are likely searching. There’s no eating plan, there’s no schedule, there’s no real accountability. It’s more of an encouragement plan. Giving you information to empower you to make the best decisions, but if you are the type of person who needs exact steps to follow and strict guidelines on what to eat every hour of the day – this book is not for you. I’d call it detox coaching rather than a detox program.
By other issue with this book is biased, but if you have a load of food allergies, this book is also not for you. No fault to the author, but for those of us who have to potential fatal allergies to foods, this is critical information to have. The two main sources of substitutes in the book seem to be coconut something and almond something else. I’m allergic to both so found that many of the recipes were just not usable for me. I did try the Salted Caramel Halloumi & Apples Apples recipe because it was quick and I love Halloumi. Try Halloumi if you haven’t; sauté in olive oil until golden brown. It’s delicious.
That said, this is a gorgeous book with lovely photography. But you can’t eat the paper, and pictures aren’t going to help you reign in your sugar problem. I gave my book to my sister, who has no issues with food other than a sensitivity to gluten. Perhaps she will have better luck.
You can peek into the book here.
I received this book for free from Blogging for Books in exchange for my honest review. I was not required to post a positive review.
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